It’s pretty hard going through a break up, period. Try having it happen to you the day before you’re supposed to jet off to the other side of the globe.
The day of my flight I was in good spirits, even though I’d left my apartment, and all my belongings for my ex to pack up. Obviously not ideal.
I thought I was done with dating, and was going to be one of those happily smug people not still single in their late twenties.
But after almost two years, and at 27, I find myself single again.
I could beat myself up trying to pinpoint the exact moment my gut told me it wasn’t going to work, and why then, I tried to make it work- but I’m not.
I could sit here and get angry about how much I was made a fool, how much my kind and generous nature was once again taken advantage of- but I won’t.
I could write about how selfish he was (tbh what man isn’t)- but I won’t.
I could be negative in this situation, but I’m over negativity. I don’t want to feel sad, hurt, betrayed. We all have been through it, and yeah, it sucks. I’m not here to write another poor me my heart is broken piece.
Being in a foreign country is as exhilarating as it is nerve-wracking. Especially if you’re doing it solo. But hey. If I can do it at 27, and literally start my life over, so can you.
So, I did what any woman would do, and replaced an old love with a new love. I bought myself a Gucci bag. (Ok not everyone can do this, but you have no idea how hard I’ve worked to be able to do this).
Sure, retail therapy probably won’t help me get over a broken heart in the long run, but given that a lot of my salary had gone into that relationship, it was nice to finally just spend my money on myself. It was almost, empowering.
I realised for the first time in a long time, I was my only dependant, and man that felt good.
Before I left for the UK, I did a bit of work on myself to be in the best state of mind I could be in. I had finally got myself into a routine that I felt some sort of stability given the unpredictable nature of my job (Taurean over here), and told myself I was going to try everything to see if it worked for me.
By trying everything, I mean I had read a tonne about wellness, meditation, crystals and all of the other things and basically wanted to see if they helped me. Mum always told me I should do whatever works for me, and if my version of praying was writing intentions and offering them to a full moon, then that was fine by her.
One of these things I had been meaning to try was Reiki, as there was an amazing woman who practised in my area. I went into my session wanting grounding and clarity ahead of my uprooting to the other side of the globe. I walked out feeling so calm, with a sense of clarity and grounding I can’t even begin to describe.
Breaking up was not what I’d planned on happening the day before I was supposed o embark on my journey. Yet I still felt that I was on my right path for this moment.
Yesterday was spent wandering the streets of East London, familiarising myself with my surroundings. No matter which direction I went, it’s always felt like the opposite direction to the way I need to go- it’s almost like I’ve been flipped. I felt out of my depths, and that I’d lost some of that grounding.
I hadn’t been specifically looking for a crystal, but you know what they say, if it speaks to you, you should collect it.
The stone of love, the crystal most connected to the heart chakra is rose quartz. Rose quartz opens the heart to all kinds of love, and is a healing stone- bringing both calm and peace.
I wanted healing, I wanted peace, and I wanted grounding. So I bought myself a rose quartz pendant from a little East London market stall.
Being alone is scary, but it’s also exciting. I’m nervous to do things on my own again, but it’s going to be a new adventure, a new chapter in my life. I’m excited to learn how to love myself again as a single woman..
And I’m going to be doing it at the best time too- summer in London.